It’s an inevitable part of life. You expect it. It’s bound to happen one day.
Yet, no matter how young or old you are, the death of a parent is a difficult, heartbreaking, and tragic ordeal.
My father passed away a few days before Halloween. It feels weird writing it down, feels terrible saying it out loud. It feels like a stranger punched you so hard in the stomach that you fall to the ground. And there are no witnesses or anyone around to help you get back up.
That’s what losing my papa felt like.
No matter how much family or friends try to help and support, it just feels like hurt all over. No words, no food, not even all the tail wagging and cuteness of my two dogs could fill that missing void. At first I felt so hopeless. It felt like I dropped a grain of sand at the beach and I was desperately trying to retrieve it again.
However, during this time of grief and sadness, I’ve also experienced the most goodness, gentleness, and generosity ever. From friends sending heartfelt cards to beautiful flower arrangements, or simply giving me a giant hug, it makes the situation tolerable.
My father was a healthy and active 71 year old. His death was extremely unexpected.
When I received the phone call from my brother at 3am it felt like all the oxygen was drained from my world. I couldn’t do something as simple as changing out of my pajamas.
I couldn’t even cry. My brain was desperately trying to comprehend the news. I arrived at the hospital to my worse fear.
I loved my father with every molecule in my body. To me, he will always be the best man I’ve ever known. He has such a kind heart, a joyful spirit, and a generous loving nature. He has an infectious laugh that made me smile. An insatiable appetite that made him the perfect mealtime companion. And his love for animals is the reason I grew to love dogs, cats, birds, fish, and all living things so much.
He was extremely bright and intelligent. Before retiring, he worked as a chemical engineer for over 40 years. He instilled my great love and fascination for math, especially calculus and trigonometry. He taught me how to play chess, how to check my tire pressure, how to repot plants.
He gave me confidence, he taught me to believe in myself, and he always made me feel like I was worth more than the moon, the stars, and all the planets in the galaxy combined. But most important, he loved my mother more than anything in the world.
My entire life, he never said a mean word or negative comment against my mom. Whenever he spoke of her, it seemed like she could never do anything wrong in his eyes. He set the bar high for the kind of love I expected to find in a husband.
During his lifetime, my dad did everything in his power to always protect my mom, me, and my brother. He provided us with more than we could have ever asked for. He never criticized his children. Instead, he always believed in us, no matter what the circumstance.
My dad was the kind of man that believed girls could do anything boys could do (most of the time, even better). He never discouraged me from following my dreams or heart, even if at times I knew he didn’t approve.
These cinnamon rolls are for my papa. Pretty much every cinnamon roll variation I’ve shared on the blog mentions him in some capacity. (coconut jam cinnamon rolls, chocolate walnut cinnamon rolls, caramel walnut sticky buns) Cinnamon rolls were his favorite.
Every birthday, Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, I made him cinnamon rolls.
Cinnamon Rolls
Ingredients
Dough:
- ½ cup warm water,, 110℉
- 2 ¼ teaspoon active dry yeast, (7 g)
- ¼ cup granulated sugar, (50 g)
- ½ cup whole milk, , room temp
- 1 large egg
- 1 large yolk
- 1 teaspoon fine sea salt
- 4 cups all-purpose flour, (520 g)
- 5 Tablespoon unsalted butter, softened, (70 g)
Cinnamon Sugar Filling:
- ⅓ cup unsalted butter, (75 g)
- ⅓ cup granulated sugar, (70 g)
- ⅓ cup dark brown sugar, packed, (70 g)
- 1 Tablespoon ground cinnamon
- ¼ teaspoon fine sea salt
Simple Glaze:
- 1 ½ cup confectioners' sugar, (170 g)
- 4 Tablespoon milk
- 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
- 1 teaspoon finely grated orange zest
- pinch fine sea salt
Instructions
- Dough: Sprinkle yeast over warm water. Add 1 tsp sugar and stir to combine. Let sit for 5-7 minutes to allow mixture to bubble and activate.
- In the bowl of a stand mixer, whisk together yeast mixture, remaining 1/4 cup sugar, milk, egg and yolk. Whisk salt into flour. Add 2 cups of flour to mixing bowl. Use the hook attachment to mix dough together. Mix on low speed until flour is incorporated. Add another 1 cup of flour. Continue to knead on low speed, adding softened butter 1 Tbsp at a time. Add remaining cup of flour and knead until the dough is smooth and cleans the sides of the bowl. If dough is too sticky, add additional flour 1 Tbsp at a time until desired consistency is achieved.
- Transfer dough to a lightly greased bowl. Cover with plastic wrap and let dough rest at room temperature for about an hour until dough has doubled in volume.
- Punch down risen dough. Transfer to a lightly floured working surface. Roll dough into a 20 x 14 inch rectangle. Spread softened butter over dough.
- Cinnamon Sugar Filling: In a bowl, mix together sugar, brown sugar and cinnamon. Distribute cinnamon sugar filling and gently press into dough. Sprinkle sea salt.
- Roll dough into a tight log, starting at the longest side. Slice the log into 12 equal parts. Lightly grease 9 x 12-inch baking pan. Cover pan with plastic wrap and let rolls rest for 30-45 minutes at room temperature to allow rolls to rise.
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Remove plastic wrap and bake rolls for 30-35 minutes until golden brown on top and the internal temperature of the rolls hit 185 degrees F. Allow rolls to rest for 5 minutes to slightly cool.
- Simple Glaze: In bowl, combine powdered sugar, milk, vanilla, orange zest and sea salt. Mix until smooth. If glaze is too thick, add additional milk 1/2 tablespoon at a time. Spread over warm rolls and serve immediately.
Notes
Nutrition
Nutrition information is automatically calculated, so should only be used as an approximation.
Like this recipe? Rate & comment below!
My papa and I shared a very comic relationship. We laughed about everything. Most of our photos together involve funny faces. I could talk to him about anything. He never judged nor discouraged me. He was a great listener (even though at times, he couldn’t understand me because I talk rather fast).
He was very involved in planning my wedding for next year. The last conversation I had with him was about my wedding gown. He wanted to be surprised the day he would walk me down the aisle, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted to show him the photo of me in the gown my mom and I picked out. He loved it and said it was exactly the kind of dress he would have chosen for me.
May your soul rest in peace, Papa. I miss you beyond comprehension.
This is the the BEST cinnamon roll recipe I’ve tried.
Your heartfelt story reached into my psyche and tears are rolling down my cheeks as I write this. I live with my 88-year-old father and we have a wonderful relationship. Every day is a gift that I cherish. He, too, is the most loving and caring man and has shown me how a good man should be. He and my mom were married for 64 years before we lost mom. The day I lose my dad will be the worst day of my life. I can’t imagine what pain you experienced losing your dad.
I’m always cooking for my dad and trying to make his favourite things. My dad has told me about the delicious cinnamon rolls he tasted on a trip to Alaska. In my search for a good recipe to make for him, I found your recipe and beautiful story. In your honour, and the honour of our fathers, I will make your delicious rolls for my dad. Thank you for sharing your story and recipe, Maryanne! I look so forward to spoiling my dad with these yummy rolls.
Whenever I read this ode to your dad it makes me tear up. My dad died unexpectedly and I was in shock. I miss him very much. He was my wise dear old dad and I often wish he were here so I could ask his advice or talk things over with him. Dad’s are special, I really miss him.
Thank you for reading the post. I really appreciate it. I’m so sorry about your father. I totally understand what you mean. So many times, I wish I could just call him or go stop by his house to ask him questions or tell him good news.
I found you doing a search for a pan de sal recipe (currently rising). What a transparently beautiful, well written tribute to your Papa. What a great man. You seem to embody his joy for life and pursuit of happiness. My own 79 yr old Papa has dementia and his short term memory continues to degrade, so I face the reality of losing him everyday, in mind, spirit & body, but you have just given me hope. That I too can get through this. Thank you. I cannot put into words the gratitude I feel. xoxo
I’m so glad you found me, Lisette! Thank you so much for trying out the recipe and thank you for commenting with your kind words.
I’m sorry to hear about your Papa. I can’t imagine the pain and loss you may be going through. Just know, you are not alone. There is light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how sad and bleak it may seem right now, in time, you and your family will get through it. xo
Hi.
Have you tried making this the night before, assemble it to the pan with all the filling and refrigerating , for baking the following day?
This has been my go to cinnamon rolls recipe lately.
I would love to make these for Christmas morning.
Thank you
Yes! You can roll the dough with the filling. Slice and arrange on the baking sheet. Cover with plastic wrap and let chill in the fridge overnight. The following morning, allow the rolls to come to room temperature and then bake as usual.
A beautiful tribute. You were so lucky to have him, and he to have you.
Thanks so much, Dorothy! It was such a pleasure meeting you last weekend!
i cried reading your post cause i can relate to it so much. my dad also loved my cinnamon rolls, anything i bake are his favorite. my love for baking actually started cause he loves eating freshly baked goods. He also passed away last may ’15. whenever and whatever i bake, a part of him is there . i miss him everyday. im sorry for your loss. i cant wait to give your cinnamon rolls a try. Thank you for sharing this recipe that you father loved!
Thank you for reading the post! I’m sorry about your loss. Whenever I bake these cinnamon rolls, I am reminded of all the happy memories I had with my father. I hope you enjoy the recipe!
I can see why these are papas favorite! They look delicious and love that orange addition in the frosting! YUM!
I am so, so sorry for the loss of your father. You clearly had an amazing relationship with him. The ones we love never really leave us, and I know your papa is going to be with you, always.
I came here for the cinnamon rolls, but stayed for the heartwarming story about your father. I am so, so sorry for your loss. My mother passed away almost 8 years ago, and it’s something that still haunts me today. It’s no wonder these cinnamon rolls were his favorite. Look at them! And that photo of the two of you at the end put a big smile on my face. Sending love from the east coast. <3
Thank you for sharing, Coley. I’m sorry about your mother. I hope you are healing. And I wish you and your family a very happy Thanksgiving :) xoxo